"Just the Beginning"

So here I am...sitting @ my own desk, at a leading Artist Management Company, in Los Angeles, CA. Only 4 months ago this was a mountain in front of me. I had a degree and no experience. Ideas with no one who would listen. And creativity with countless ways to direct it. Countless paths to travel. So i took a chance, received an internship, packed my bags, flew to Los Angeles, moved in with a perfect stranger, and why?...

Because I believed in myself, because "they/you" believed in me, and because it was meant to happen this way. I have always had my heart set on New York City. Why here? I feel at home here already. I've met wonderful, talented people, all to spend time with and grow. I'm building lasting relationships with people of my caliber. And its all because i stepped foot onto that plane back in May.

But now...this is the hard part....and the work has just begun. NO Longer will it be a free ride....NO longer will it be easy....NO longer will I be able to hide behind a college, a school, family, or friends. Its just ME. Face value. Only ME. What can i do? What can I bring that no one else can? This is it...its either hit, or miss. And there is no other options anymore. I WILL succeed, I WILL inspire, and I WILL continue to grow emotional, professionally, and spiritually. My career will be one of ups, downs, and flat moments...but it will be one that I will be proud to call my own. A really great friend of mine told me this evening that in order to change, you must take the good, bad, and indifferent, and apply them to your life. I'm so excited for the opportunities that await, I thank everyone that comes across my path for the way they impact my life, and I hope that you are as excited as I am for what is to come of me! Its gonna be amazing, so get ready :~)

Inspired...

Today has been a day of inspiration and self worth! Motivation and a cloud of inspiration has settle over me, and I'm finding it much easier to make it through the day! I don't know where this feeling has come from, but it feels incredible!

Charlie told me to create a position for myself. So yesterday, i walked into Les Borsai's(The CEO of Modern Artist Management)office and demanded he give me task. He handed me a coffee cup, and said, "Here, this is your first task...give it to me the way you think i'd like it." So, I took what i knew of the gentleman and gave him lots of cream and one sugar. When I went to drop it off, he asked, "How did you know i'd like lots of cream and one sugar?" I answered, "Well, i figure that everyone is just like your coffee...and from what i know, underneath it all, you're a little bitter, just like a good brew, and you have a hint of sweetness. (wink)" I had heard from a number of people that you had to be opinionated and strike back with Les in order for him to respect you. I kinda gave a little more than a strike, but he laughed and then entrusted me with more projects...so i guess it worked!

A couple hours later, there i was...a headset on, rolling calls, researching the best places for a light sandwich, and stretching myself emotionally and mentally. Its invigorating.

After I returned from my lunch break today, Vera Salamone(Jenn Sousa's[Kelly Clarkson's X-Manager]Assistant)asked me where i saw myself going, what i wanted to do in management, and what i wanted to accomplish from it all. In not even a split second i blurted, "Give 'em goosebumps!" And its so true. I know something is quality when i get goosebumps...so bring 'em on! I want to give people goosebumps with every creation i produce. Lets hope for the best!

Settling In

I realize it's going to take a long time to feel like Los Angeles is home, but I've started the process. I want this to work, and

I'm gonna make it work. I was asked by a coworker to help on launching a new artist, along with a new record label! Everything is falling into place, I'm feeling at home at home, at work, at the internship, and in life in general. Why will it work? Because I have different people from all over the US rooting for me! Leaving myself open for inspiration from every angle, I am going to dive into this without looking back, and hope for the best. Will I come out unchanged? Why would i want to?

A little change of pace, and kinda a funny story...my apartment is flooded! A pipe burst in the hallway outside my apartment and now everthing is standing in an inch of water. The cleasners and repair men are overworked, so of course its gonna take way to long to get them to fix it, but i'm hoping I at least get rent reduction for next month!

Hmmmm...what else? Oh yeah, the power went out and the fire alarm went off at work today. The entire building was forced to evacuate, and i decided to make the most of the situation and go to get gelato with a couple friends ;~) The building was just getting back to normal when i got back! Perfect timing.

Well, i'm dozing off, I think I'm gonna go jump underneath a desk and take a nap. Until next time ;~)

Missing It Enough to Find It...

I kinda had a meltdown today. It was actually quite humorous! It all started when i asked the bus driver to get a transfer for the next bus. In her very snotty tone she replied, "I don't have any!"(with a sharp jolting action in her neck, very comparible to violent heaving or a seizure). I then asked her, "Then how am i going to transfer buses? Do i have to pay for the next bus again?" She then lashes back with, "That's not my responsibility!" Needless to say, this set me off!!!!! I started to get red and then blurted out, "Oh yes it is your responsibility, bitch!" BAD IDEA! (Now let me take a moment to say that i apologize for this reaction, and it was due to high levels of stress and boredom at my internship today).

She slammed on the brakes, pulled over to the nearest intersection, and opened the door! Without being told, i walked off the bus, and didn't look back. What had i done? I was about to learn how to walk because i apparently couldn't learn how to hold my tongue! This was not how i pictured the day going. I had had the worst day at work, the reality of me moving to Los Angeles had just come crashing down on me in the past couple days, and i was extremely hot and irritable. Justification for calling her a bitch?...not really, but it made me feel better for the split second in time between the profanity and the bus jolting to a halt.

Walking down the side walk in the Los Angeles heat was really starting to get to my head. I looked around to see the poverty and misery that i was walking through as though i was above it, and then a sweet little mexican woman smiled at me and handed me a flower. I handed over two dollars and a tear came into my eyes and she smiled at me and said, "God Bless." Whether i want to believe that i'm here all alone, i'm not. God is truly watching over me. Why can't i contemplate this idea? Why do i want to do this alone without a source of strength and insite? Do i really feel it to be beneficial?

As my ipod went onto the next album in its library, Michael W. Smith's Freedom Album, the piano started to play, the sun caught my eye, and for a moment in time, i really understood where i was in the world. I was no better than that wonderful mexican woman on the street peddling flowers, and who was i to even think i was superior to her? Thoughts of back home, family, friends, and most of all the sense of security i no longer had came flooding into my mind, and went pouring down my face. It was incredible. It was such a cleanse. I just let it flow. Walking down Santa Monica Blvd was the most pathetic, but truly real version of who i am. I'm a very weak, but very talented guy...and all that i can ask of myself, is that i capture the reality of that moment in time, and stay true to that reality throughout.

Menage A Trois...

So some exciting news was relayed to me yesterday! I got a job when i'm done with my internship! OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I will be working as an assistant to the CEO of Modern Artist Management! WAHOO! I'll learn so much and be exposed to such amazing opportunities!

Today was good! I really can't complain. I sat around all morning watching TV and drinking coffee, went to Lunch with a friend, and then went to work. Nothing special...but moreso the day had a sense of anticipation. Anticipation for many things. Where my sense of security/stability will come from, where i'll be in a month/year/decade/minute, what to think when i walk out the door, and what things i will be exposed to here in crazy world....a world of possibilites though :~)

I am however, starting to realize something about Los Angeles. 1) People will tell you anything(aka...lie to your frikin face)to get what they want out of you, 2) They are the most ingenuine group of humans on the face of the earth, and 3) They do not regret a Day of their lives. Why do i bring this up? Well, as my favorite white wine is so perfectly named, "Menage a trois"(meaning, the blend of three, or "threesome") you need to have a balance of all of these things to survive here. 1) The ability to fabricate of story, 2) The ability to fake sincerity, & 3) The ability to shake off every ounce of inhibition and live without regret!

The perfect example of this would be tonight...

I was standing there, minding my own business at Mirabelle(the current place of my employment ;~) when...a gentleman walks up to me....and starts "talking". The LIES... He was trying to get me to believe this bogus story of how he was a "make it from scratch" suit dealer in London, who supposedly sells his suits for over 10,000 dollars. This is really hard to believe from a guy who is wearing the worst pair of trousers i've ever seen...not to mention he was walking all over his English Accent. He butchered it beyond belief! I wouldn't believe that man had ever stepped foot out of Los Angeles if he paid me!

Anywayz, then he does something that i never thought he could. He marched up to the most beautiful woman in the bar(you know the one...the one who is so beautiful that when you look at her swoosh her hair about and laugh and blink, her whole image has a haze over it and time slows down) and asks if he can buy her dinner. Now if you can imagine my surprise when he walks up to me, beautful girl on his arm, and ask for a table for two! What in the world? DID I MENTION THIS MAN WAS MOVING IN ON BEING 60 YEARS OLD? It was outrageous! Anywayz, this man completely wowed this girl, buying her the most expensive bottle of wine on our menu ($800.00), ordering filet mignon, and finishing off a chocolate souffle. Talk about a "sincere" way to get under a skirt! What i'm saying is...this man knew what he want and got it! He fabricated a story...had no sense of regret and walked up to this woman, and ended up taking her home because of his "sincerity".

What i'm trying to to portray is what i'm up against. These guys are some well trained cats! I'm definitely gonna have to step up my game!

Knowing what you want...

Well...well...well...

Amanda and i got off work today and decided to be a little off the hook! We started by walking down the street in Beverly Hills, mostly because we felt like fat pigs after eating "Sprinkles" cupcakes and pizza all day long. We had high ambitions of getting on our tennies and playing tennis, but that soon turned into having a cold beer, sprawled out on the cool grass, and having a heart to heart. Amanda and i really became intimate friends today i think. We understand each other, and we were really real with our lives. It was really hard for me to break through her wall that she immediatley throws up at you. I don't really know what you're looking for in these daily blogs...and i guess i don't really care. What i want you to get from this is the "Real Deal". The things that are actually going on, the thoughts that are actually going through our heads, and finally, what WE are making of the opportunity. I think that will preach louder than any BS i'd throw your way. The truth is, this city is really intimidating. Its easy to be hot shit when you live in Saint Paul...there's no one to stop you! But when you get out here, there is so much competition, and you have to be able to step up your game and be ready to answer for every action you take place in. I guess what i'm trying to communicate is that its not all fun and games...its hard work! The golden ticket won't just be handed to you, so you're gonna have to go out and buy every wonka bar until you find it! Watch out!!!

New Beginnings...

Well,

Today has been an interesting day for me...a day of contemplation if you will. I find myself in California, a thousand miles away from anyone that knows me or cares to know me. So...the way i see it, i have two options. First, i can fall on the ground crying, feel sorry for myself when i wake up, and continue in this debotchery for the rest of the day. Or, Second, i could see this as an opportunity for growth, personal and professional, and seize life as though i have no other option. The past couple of weeks, i've fallen into the first scenerio, and today, i have decided to take on the second. Why should anyone just hand me a free ticket to a career?...that's ridiculous to even contemplate!

I believe that i have tons to offer a company, but i need to hammer out some things in order to hoan my skills in the industry and see where i fit in...so...i've that i'm going to take on my friend zac as my first management client. He's incredibly talented and motivated, as am i! We have known each other for years(we went to high school together) and he lives here in los angeles as well. The componenet to our relationship that is essential is comprised of two things...we both believe in each others abilities, and we both have completely different view points on specific topics. I really think taking on this task will cause me to grow, and push my to be Zac's go-to guy! I want to learn and experience everything...booking, contracts, photo shoots, marketing, promotions, recording, merchandising, and simply, learning how to just give a shit! I want to know everything as far as the industry goes! Is that possible? Probably not, and that's why it will be a "life" goal.

It may sound like i'm blabbing, and i'm sorry to have such a downer blog, but i needed to get it off my chest, so deal with it!